A Life Interrupted

Sometimes, I feel like my life has been interrupted, so I went to Priscilla Shirer's Life Interrupted Simulcast this weekend. Her message is based on the Prophet Jonah, because she says, like him, we tend to run - maybe mentally and emotionally instead of physically - when our lives are interrupted with something unexpected. If this simulcast comes to your area, you should go to it. It's so encouraging! There's also a book, Life Interrupted: Navigating the Unexpected, and even a Bible study, Jonah: Navigating a Life Interrupted. Check them out!

Plugged In Online

When I'm not sure if the boys should see a movie, I visit Focus on the Family's Plugged In Online for a review of it from a conservative Christian perspective. They also review TV shows, music videos and video games. Check it out!

The Financial Crisis of a Health Crisis

Throughout Kent's entire illness, we had excellent insurance through an individual policy with Assurant Health for our family. All too often though, when people are diagnosed with something catastrophic, they're not adequately insured or they don't have any insurance which leaves them dealing with not only a health crisis but also a financial crisis. A friend, fellow church member and former co-worker of Kent's recently posted 5 Tips for Dealing with Medical Debt on his blog. This is a good read for those who are grappling with how to pay for surgeries, treatments and routine appointments for scans and check-ups.

The Gift of Widowhood & Single Parenting

I have a gift no one wants: widowhood at 36-years-old. While I don't like being referred to as a widow, I've had to identify myself as one on a slew of forms since Kent died . . . so much so that it's made my lot in life really hit home.

I've been reminding myself that everything from God is a gift . . . even my widowhood and subsequent single parenting. God gives us gifts that we don't ask for or even want, and, sometimes, they're gifts that can't be returned or re-gifted . . . but, nonetheless, they're gifts out of His infinite love to teach and grow us in our walk with Christ while drawing us closer to Himself.

I've also been reminding myself of God's goodness. God does not make mistakes with what He allows in our life, so He is good all the time. Because of this, I can trust His plan for my life, though I may not always understand it. Even though some of His gifts can hurt, we have to trust that, in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28).

I once thought brain cancer interrupted my life, but it's been a part of God's good and perfect plan for my life all along. My widowhood IS a gift; what I do with this gift is up to me.

Life Goes On

When Kent's sister went home to Washington after staying with us in Indiana for a month to help me care for Kent and our boys, I cried. After a few months of constantly having the presence of someone else in our house with us, we were on our own to figure out life without a husband and father. I wanted to stay in bed, because I wasn't thinking when I was sleeping. I felt like my life had stopped, but it hadn't. My sons still had to be cared for and bills still had to be paid. Robert Frost once said, "In three words, I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." This is so true.

Let the tears fall!

My grieving process has, more times than not, left me in a puddle of tears. Tears reveal our humanity and the frailty of our human hearts especially when we suffer from a tremendous loss. While I don't want to wallow in my grief, I believe crying is one of the healthiest outlets for it. Joyce Landorf Heatherley, author of the Mourning Song, even says, "Crying is a natural part of the grieving process." It removes toxins, reduces tensions and increases the body's ability to heal itself, so let the tears fall!

Are you as prepared as Dora?

A friend, fellow church member and former co-worker of Kent's talks about the five things Dora the Explorer teaches us about personal financial planning in a recent post on his blog. It's definitely food for thought!

10 Lessons I've Learned About Grieving

1) There isn't a detour around it even if it's delayed.

2) There isn't a right or wrong way to do it.

3) It's wise to share with family and friends the way in which we plan to do it.

4) People do it at their own pace.

5) It can be all-consuming happening at the most unexpected, inopportune times.

6) Guilt and regret are a natural part of it.

7) There's loneliness but not aloneness in it.

8) There's joy in it, but it can be dampened by a deep sadness.

9) It leaves a scar.

10) It's a tool by which to glorify God and grow in Christ's likeness.

Palliative vs. Hospice Care

We chose palliative care over hospice care for Kent's end-of-life care. The American Brain Tumor Association (ABTA) recently published a Palliative Care Guide that explains what it is and how it differs from hospice care. While this may not be the best option for everyone, it was a great one for Kent.

Pre-Planning

Kent gave this envelope to me the night before his first scheduled surgery with a list inside of it explaining what to do if he dies. The list includes instructions for obtaining a death certificate, contacting the life insurance company to submit a death claim, how to initiate social security survivorship benefits, accessing his laptop and business accounts with usernames and passwords and selling his financial advisory practice and the order in which to pay off or down debt.

In addition to this list, he made sure all of our marital assets were jointly owned which made managing the accounts during his decline and death and settling his estate much easier without going through probate. He had excellent health insurance as well as disability insurance that proved beneficial while waiting for social security disability benefits to start. He also made sure his will and trust including a living will declaration and appointed health care representative as well as power of attorney and their successors were current. He even planned a lot of his funeral and, last but not least, left me in the hands of a great financial advisor and accountant.

Being a financial advisor himself, he had his ducks in a row in case of something catastrophic, but a 32-month warning from his cancer diagnosis to his death gave him time to make changes and finish planning his end-of-life wishes. Because of his pre-planning, I only had to carry through with his decisions instead of making them for him.

Are you prepared if your husband (or wife) is unexpectedly diagnosed with a serious illness or suddenly dies? If not, you may want to research what steps have to be taken in your situation to be prepared, because it's one way to make the burden of such a trial much lighter.